short funny affirmations short funny affirmations

I create my life on a quantum level. Never test how deep the water is with both feet. 267. For the best seat in the house, youll have to move the dog. 187. Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. 169. Not only can laughter improve our problem-solving skills, but it can also help battle various diseases. My feelings are just like acquaintances, they come and go., 5. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. Your email address will not be published. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. Remember that the effects of affirmations are no laughing matter, so make sure your voice is heard. I am changing all my useless things into something productive by working on them. Swimming trunks. 221. The best way for me to appreciate my job is to imagine myself without one. 275. 172. It will just flow naturally. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Look, youre smiling! Breasts dont have eyes. 249. Revenge sounds so mean, thats why I prefer to call it Returning the favor. 1. 225. 146. 252. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 8. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. no rich foods. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Funny positive affirmations do work. I am capable of rewriting my grievances and transforming my fears. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. 62. 142. When they go away, its a brighter day. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. Ann Landers Today I will embrace the poop., 7. Effective pushing often involves poop. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Ken Dodd, 255. I am lazy till I get a motive. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. 268. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 1. "Being funny doesn't take much effort.". Milton Berle Finally, if you want a simple tool to record and recite these affirmations, then check out these 13 affirmations apps that help you create a positive mindset. Nothing, they just waved. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. I dont need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry. I am here to live to the fullest. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". 10. Need to send some positive energy your way? Microchips. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I try to see the funny side of every situation. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 5. Never take life seriously. 114. 140. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Why was six scared of seven? I can do this. Cindy from Marzahn. Ann Landers, 244. If lying was a job some people would be billionaires. I thought you said extra fries. Use them throughout the day whenever you experience negative thoughts. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. If you woke up feeling drained and blurry, these funny affirmations will boost your energy and get you ready to slay the day! 98. Enjoy! Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Some people are like clouds. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. "What doesn't kill you makes your drinks stronger.". 243. 126. Mind blown! They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Unknown. My cankles will hold me. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 28. 246. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Positive music, resilience, inner strength and a growth mindset lead to success!. When our phones fall, we panic; but when our friends fall, we laugh. 203. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. 148. 211. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. 9. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. You may feel a little embarrassed and vulnerable. Exercise? Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. Im gonna be worse., 12. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. 118. 79. All you need is love. When and How to Let Them Know, How To Cheer Yourself Up When Feeling Down, 5 Things To Discuss With Your Partner Before Marriage, Funny Positive Affirmations For Self-Esteem, 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams, 70+ Positive Affirmations For Teens From Parents. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. Im like a postage stamp. 231. If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. 72. Your values become your destiny. 183. 'Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.'. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. 1. Lily Tomlin, 242. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 171. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. I just go normal from time to time. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 1. Because he was always spotted. 147. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. 11. Because seven ate nine. Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Hes dreaming too. Its a door, thats how they work. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know. 116. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Find a short calm and peaceful moment in your day and use it for setting your mindset up for happiness. I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Everyone recognizes how positive emotions can affect attitude and overall health. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 101. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. 205. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 26. Live life to the fullest. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 184. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Robert A. Heinlein 219. 4. 188. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 182. 111. 100. 176. I have a lot to offer. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. 53. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 239. 74. 204. I'm doing great. 159. 14. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. I am lazy till I get a motive. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Benjamin Franklin You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and strong enough. "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". Subscribe To Our Newsletter! 3. The chains on my mood swing just snapped. 189. 144. As long as I have best friends as weird as me, I have everything., 10. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Superwoman: single. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. 24. 154. 258. 35. Ive got three bones. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. Ill keep going forward even if my pants tear off. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. No matter what I look like. And a funny bone., 10. Ted Turner. 269. 17. 88. Stuart Turner, 247. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. Because they make up everything. What is the tallest building in the entire world? 12. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 122. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Everyone brings happiness to this office. At night, I cant fall asleep. Following my intuition and my heart keeps me safe and sound. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. 66. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. The rest are too expensive. What do computers eat for a snack? Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 84. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I can create positive change in the world. 195. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. 161. 233. Walter Bagehot To conclude this list of funny affirmations, heres a few that are specifically focused around work. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. 230. Lorrin L. Lee. Effective pushing often involves poop. I train my body. When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. Hi! I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. 235. In between, I am alive., 7. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Send me the link. Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. 234. And get over it. 181. I wish my wallet came with free refills. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. 152. Sincerely, yourself., 2. We need to hear a pin drop. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 123. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Sincerely, yourself. Actually, you dont have to imagine. Sincerely, the floor. Even if youre a skeptic, you must admit these funny affirmations really work. I dont have everything I want, but I have all I need. 7. - Jack London. Jonathan lockwood huie. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life Life is filled with highs and lows, sometimes, we need some inspirational quotes to help us overcome challenges of life and offer guidance to us. Paul Ehrlich, 241. 248. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Those who snore always fall asleep first. How do you count cows? 149. 1. Im describing you. The only power you have is the word no. 150. 271. 167. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. 231. - Bob Hope. I am willing to ask for help when it serves my growth. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. I breathe in and out. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. In between, I am alive. 9. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. health is important. 135. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. IRS: Weve got what it takes to take what you have got. Microchips. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. 84. 193. Not me, but somebody does. Im thinking like a proton, always positive., 9. I am constantly growing and improving. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. 166. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 130. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Stay focused and consistent, and youll start noticing the healing powers of humor and fun. 255. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. Ensure that your actions match your words. "We . Be kinder with yourself and change your thoughts for better health (physically and emotionally). 115. Not everyone has good taste., 3. Bill Murray, 260. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Ill start this journey with my 10 favorite funny affirmations that never fail to make me laugh. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. 30. 276. 226. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Decomposing. I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. Bill Murray, 251. 264. Positive mindset affirmations. Is it perfect? Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Im not weird, Im just limited edition. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 213. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 146. 86. Ben Hogan. Im sure youve heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? Because they make up everything. 128. - Unkmown. 151. Funny Daily Affirmations. I nourish my body every day. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. 57. 69. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. How do trees access the internet? Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. - Roy T. Bennett. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. 71. Today I was a hero. In the morning, I cant get up. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 251. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me. Edward A. Murphy. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 1. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. 20. I thought you said extra fries. Even if you dont consider yourself a funny person, you should never be afraid to express your unique humor. 1. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. I see food, and I eat it. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. What better way to do that than through your own self-talk? You cant have everything, where would you put it? 14. Be careful when you follow the masses. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. 220. 182. Erma Bombeck. 6. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 279. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. 66. How do trees access the internet? I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 240. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. 9. 121. 73. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Today, I am thankful for this week. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. You were too lazy to read that number. 239. Amidst all the stress, anxiety and worries, a smile can help you brighten your day. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 1. 6. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. Henny Youngman It is already tomorrow in Australia.". I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Bill Murray God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Sharing quotes, proverbs, and sayings of great authors to touch people's lives to make it better. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. When they go away, its a brighter day. 257. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Bill Murray. Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. 26. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. 157. I may stumble along the way, but I will get over it. How do you count cows? I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. Because it was soda pressing. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Friday Affirmations. 40. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. 218. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. You may think youll never get over it, but you will, and youll be fine., 7. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. 49. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. - Unknown. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 129. It just plain forms. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Dont forget to check out our post onlove yourself quotesandvision board quotesto attract positivity in your life. Because he was always spotted. Dave Barry Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Dear universe, I am totally open to all the amazing things coming my way. Because seven ate nine. Life always offers you a second chance. 150. Being funny increase people's tendency to connect with you and talk to you.