falling in love with a widowed woman falling in love with a widowed woman

Plenty of couples have dealt with one of them in school and starting/blending a new family at the same time. When we first got together he had a wonderful paying job. i feel he might compare us or replaced her with me somehow.. im going crazy This is a conversation everyday So I say I dont want to talk about this anymore I want to live our lives. If every waking moment is spent on keeping the dead alive than maybe you shouldnt date just a though from the shmuck in the corner, Ps. I didnt get any of this she said she was read to move on wanted a new life free from these things and was doing nothing about it until arguments broke out. He is just conveniently revising history to suit his needs now. He told me that he had debts in his head that he had to reorder before we moved forward. Its hard, though, to let them. Not so much. All thats being discussed here are those instances when that is not what is going on. We do not live together but we spend the majority of our time together. After the first talk which we both dropped it and went to bed in silence. One time i had to ask him to put away stuff, if he wants me to come around once in awhile.to give me spacehe did remove his wifes clothes and empty a drawer for mebut their house which she designed.is filled with her memories, the car even has a picture of her before she passed. Now I am not saying all widows are like this but the more I read on the web and interact with this group of people the more I am seeing the silver lining. Or not? But for how long? We were very open about our personal issues at that time I also told him a lot about myself and my current problems. His grief has nothing to do with his feelings for you. There has been so much tragedy in my family..mental illness and suicide,mental I thought they use to mean so much but with his actions I feel like I actually get more from them than the words and he is so special that I am willing to be patient. "One never gets over major life losses . Not great at any age ! And I am not talking about ultimatums. to see him once a week is so hard because he doesnt know what hes going to say where he is.its so sad that he just cant stand up to them. My daughter just recently had a baby, so Im spending alot of time with them, keeps me from thinking too much on my own stuff. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Just the couple onesodd to me. When you move on, you are closing one chapter of your life and opening a new one. He says he loves me, I make him happy and wants me in his life, but sometimes the things he does or says say different. Some magical words to tell myself so my esteem does not crash and burn the way it does. I later learnt that a lot of the hideous decor which graced my wids home was the product of this revolting younger spawn. Good luck. Her blog is very helpful, and draws the bottom line. His wife passed away 2 years ago and we met on a dating site so I assumed he was ready. She is dead. You deserve to be loved and happy, dont forget that. He badly needed them anyhow, and I also hoped this was a step along the path to renting it out. The woman is John's first wife, Bethany, who died five years ago. We both agreed we have to take this slowly and not rush thibngs but at this point we spend every weekend together and a least one night during the week together as well. I dont think he is afraid to tell you anything. Its harder to accept that the future you dreamed of is not going to happen and you might have to alter your expectations or give up on some of them. I hope the new year treats you better. The man is dead, but Shelly is still enabling the dysfunction surrounding him in terms of his parents and his friend. Etc. Yes, the latter is mostly women but all of them have the same issue you do and the site is fairly active and closed, so no one who isnt a member can read the conversations. Im honestly hoping space will help him realize we are meant to be together but time will tell I guess. Your not a valid partner in his life. I hope things get better for you soon. Its all just details (even if they are irritating and come in the form of in-laws). We decided to attempt to stay friends and nothing has changed. Once, soon after the death, as a form of a memorial, OK. Thank you. It doesn't matter if he's been a widower 3 months or 3 years, if he's ready to get serious with you, this is the way to know. While the loneliness could get unbearable at times, I still couldnt imagine myself being with someone just to ease the pain of being alone, just to help me move on with my life. My late husband was the love of my life. Everything her sister has ever had she always wants. i forgot to mention a forwarded her that article i mention and after that she started making phone call saying we need to be respected just like any other marriage. I didnt sign up for that.Im marrying into HIS FAMILY..not hers. And calling the shots? You make this sound like a bit of a coin toss. I guess because we have no way of knowing where the grief process will take the person we love. He was always in the back of my mind and I realised I had probably always loved him. But also in order to move forward in a healthy manner you must move forward with your new life. In that respect Im glad were still going to be friends & talk & hang out once in a while but thats not going to stop me from having my own fun The day I move out will be very hard on me & him Im sure but youre right I need to focus on me & I am hoping I can do that..eventually . I dont necessarily need to be married. Im only 38 and hes 49 and I was understanding and supportive for the first 1.5 years but now I get upset and there is little intimacy and I am sinking into depression even though Im trying to fight it. If he wasnt widowed, would you be this understanding? You deserve better and you will find it. About 1 1/2 yrs after us being friends long distance he confessed he thinks I was great and when he thinks of a future woman he thinks of me. Speak up. He told me the minute I move in and we are engaged that everything comes down and put away. I threw him out. The important thing is that you do what is best for you and you cant really know what that is until the two of you talk. I have been living with a widower who is older than I am. Marriage has to be involved. And still shelly does nothing. I was so comfortable, I really enjoyed him. I want to move on and not grieve over a history that I had no control over. . Maybe he is worried too. i saw on his Facebook his wife of 34 years had passed away and for some unknown reason to me I reached out to him. A caution though. Fred Colby, 72, author ofWidower to Widower: Surviving the End of Your Most Important Relationship,says that a woman who encourages a widower to share his story fully and that includes insight on his relationship with his spouse will be much more apt to have a successful future with him. Recent it was a birth day the oldest after a month of debating we invited them cause there at EVERYTHING. If he needs to move closer or move in and there has to be a wedding in the future sometime after just tell him so and assure him that you are well aware that he wonders if it can do marriage successfully a second time and let him know that you think he can. The marriage thing only came up because he brought it up very early on in the relationship he wants to be married again and come out if it in a box. My life and I listened to all the words and I should hav known better by certain actions and little progress. Chivalry and manners. He has pics of us up, it feels like a threesome sometimes. Everything on the table with the goal of coming up with a plan that is mutually agreeable. When I was a young woman, I wasted myself and my time on men who played the emotional baggage card. Which I dont have a problem with. I love him and he loves me. Clothes. And where are you now? Its possible but in your situation, I kind of doubt it. Im wondering whether I should stop taking his calls to force him to think about things a little? After 6 months i was allowed to stay occasionally when his son allowed but had to stay in the spare room. Certainly the past and any anger or guilt complicates a situation, but at some point, the past needs to be acknowledged for what it was and for what cant be changed and then simply left behind. Both things can be difficult enough to manage without the added complication of not really being able to have a frank discussion about the needs and wants of both parties. And if the road curved, I couldnt be sure about where I was going. This has been the biggest source of our problem. Be honest and yourself. I expect you have expectations of me and to let me know what they are. Widowhood doesnt get a special status and believing that it does is likely to lead a person away from re-coupledom rather than toward it. By romantic space he wants us to still see each other, but without being intimate. I work in a health care setting saving lives, go figure I would end up with the person I did. Are you happy? Not because you feel obligated to the children or because you feel she really does need you and just needs to be made to see it. One more thing when he says only, he is telling you how he feels but not in a direct way. While scrolling through Facebook, Susan notices a photo of a woman exchanging wedding rings with Susan's husband, John. There seems to be something I have never lived alone in my 53 years and I need it now lol Im moving into an apartment right under my daughter & granddaughter so that will definitely help. Its important for you to be able say how you feel and to feel secure in his feelings before taking any steps, I agree. I am a management consultant specialising in turn around for struggling companies and soon his company was struggling and i went to work for him for no compensation. Oh, and I believe there is a statute of limitations on how long a parent should chalk up bad behavior to the childs grief. We go out in public a lot but I have never been invited into his home or introduced to anyone in his life at all. Think about that too. If you want to go the guess game route. And at some point, you are going to need to have a conversation. Falling in love with you will bring her survivor's guilt to the surface. I have been a widow a little longer and I do not use the terms ours or we like he does. The state of falling in love with someone in a dream may indicate that the dreamer is ready to clear his/her egos. I know he loves me and truly believe he does. Is it rough on me emotionally? When is it appropriate to say this? Weirdly, the very place Id thought of nowhere obvious so I was amazed. He asked me to walk with him during this bump on the road. Ann, your words ring loud and true. (It worked out well for my dear husband-we were very happy together for 30 years!). You are just the convenient focal point. over the fact that youre mourning the loss of your previous spouse and still have feelings of love for that person. If the answer is no and no, you should consider talking to him. Thank you for taking your time and reply to my comment. Her father makes every excuse for her. For one, not being shut out. Just wanted to check in with you and give you an update, I asked a question back in OctoberI believe you were right, his meltdown was a rethinkWe tried to get back together around Thanksgiving and he was still crazyStill drinking alot,his moods still running hot and cold, He bought me a beautiful expensive necklace for Christmas and gave me his late wifes sports car to drive after i had been in a wreckhe wanted to help me buy a car( I declined) then flipped on a dime again, and said we were just friends, he wasnt ready, he then got upset because I stopped wearing the necklace.I put up with this nonsence for about 2 more weeks and told him I was going to start seeing other people, not to force his hand but because I didnt see this going anywhere and he refused to seek help. As long as your boyfriend is not condoning rude behavior, things just need time. He does do a great job of that too as I have never had a person in my life treat me with such love, kindness and devotion.