disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy

Jealousy: Jealousy is a common response to protect ones relationship [14]. Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). But that doesnt mean that they arent a little wounded. And it can get particularly difficult when it comes to discipline. We have an ordinary life. And more children too they are all so respectful and loving, a clear example of the home theyre being brought up in.. Then there is the hardship of making a living by yourself as a single person. In turn, some women don't tell their friends about their husband's other partners because young people in the region are becoming more outspoken on how polygamy is an arrangement that is designed. During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. Many people think bigamy and polygamy mean the same thing . At that time her 3rd husband supported her emotionally and financially. She was very much disturbed and afraid of losing her husband. When even used-car dealers dont regard themselves as purveyors of second-hand merchandise, when second-hand clothes stores are now consignment shops, why should I stick with the second-wife moniker? In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). To seek the coping strategies to accept the new relationship by co-wives. In addition, the interpretive phenomenological analysis (IPA) was used to generate a wide range of perceptions and opinions that women carry out about their experiences in polygamous family structures. Evelyn*, 32, tells DRUM her mother's experience was awful. The appropriate strategies which are purposefully working by co-wives must be enhanced with proper education and implement programmers that teach coping mechanisms and stress management. Results: Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. "We being realistic have accepted the co-wives". As she said 'I am unable to fulfill the needs or desires of my husband, so I allowed him for 2nd marriage. Though she faced a lot of criticism from the first wife. In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. The second wife shouldn't marry unless he promises to tell the first wife. If he does so, either in public or secret, she has the right to divorce him. Thobejane TD, Flora T. An exploration of polygamous marriages: A worldview. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. Mrs. Kamal due to the age factor she was very distressed at the time of her husbands' 2nd marriage but with time she accepted this relationship and had a good relation with 2nd wife and with her children. 1st wife of Mrs. Imam and 2nd wife Miss Nadia have attended some important ceremonies together but they did not get along (Table 2). , each person taking on whatever debt there is, plus paying attorney fees, etc. Thereafter you will be billed R75 per month. In Pakistani culture, infertility can be one of the reasons but exploring other factors like love marriage and family pressure, and religious reference are also common factors. Its not like I wasnt married before, too. The advantages of polygamy were included sharing in-house responsibilities and child-rearing. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. My mother is a retired teacher and my dad could never keep a job, so she supported us. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. We may also learn that if we dont want to get hurt again, to put up a wall, or other such adjustments. There are seriously complicated stunts involved-- trapeze artists have less difficulty in learning when to disappear and resurface at exactly the right moments than your average second wife. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. Its like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. They also threatened her with divorce. Initially, uBaba wanted me to stop working and look after the business as well but my calling is nursing, says a shy Thembi, 52, as she finally joins the conversation. Brigham Young and His Wives. Mrs. Kamal was also a childless first wife from the past 6-8 years and she accepted a co-wife rather than divorce. International Journal of Mental Health. Because her first husband always cursed him by saying a childless woman. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. It was hell for my mom and me afterwards, Evelyn says. Women also support their men for polygamy if they are facing infertility to secure their marriage instead of divorce [4]. 2002; 32(1-2): 58-66. But surprisingly enough, she understood and agreed to it. Understand that he couldve cheated, but rather chose something that is common in African culture. Thamsanqa says its important to make sure you really want another wife, and to thoroughly analyse your reasons. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . However later on she has also accepted co-wife because of infertility and destiny. I grew up as an only child, and I always knew I wanted a lot of children, but my wifes pregnancy with the twins was very complicated. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Women need to be empowered with education and positive affirmation of self-worth. I am the grown-up woman he married as a grown-up man. 2014. ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry ISSN: 2231-7805 (In Print)E-ISSN However, several limitations exist. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Resource-defense, scarcity of men, and countering a high pathogen load, and cultural determinists posit religion and gender discrimination as factors of polygamy in these countries [15]. CNN . Concept of one soulmate for everyone is flawed anyway. He may be wounded and certain things may trigger an emotional response, such as . ASEAN Journal of Psychiatry (MyCite Report). Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. All interviews were audio-taped, transcribed verbatim, and were then analyzed by interpretive phenomenological analysis. disadvantages of being a second wife islamirina emelyanova pasternak 26th February 2023 / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by / in coastal carolina football camp 2022 / by But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. His family says it was unaware of any "second. Second theme: outcomes of polygamy as jealousy, unhappiness, and loneliness due to injustice, by the spouse were explored as potential pitfalls of polygamy. She also never tried to snatch her husband from the previous co-wives as she said in her religion the Holy Book says A man can marry women of his choice two or three or four, but there must be justice and equality otherwise only one is enough". She met Mr. Kamran 6 years back and married her after falling in love. These themes emerged in 3 main themes as Causes of polygamy, outcomes of polygamy, and coping strategies of polygamous women. Thats irresponsible. Evelyn, who has a four-year-old son, now works as a waitress to help her mother with the legal fees for her divorce. I was so sad and heartbroken to the point of not speaking to him for three days! After calming down Lillian communicated her feelings and concerns to Thamsanqa, and he explained his point of view. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Tandler N, Petersen LE. 'I've been a second wife for a year and a half. She does not have an apartment . A sample of 11 polygamous women was included through snowball sampling from the different cities of the province of Punjab, Pakistan with an age range of 18-50 years. As when co-wives share their domestic chores, and other responsibilities of the family they become less possessive with time about their partners. It's like when you are a kid, and you have had the same best friend since you were a baby; then, suddenly, in high school, you have a new best friend. She told she was also present during the delivery. After her husbands second marriage she said, I moved to a separate household, to me, it works best because I dont have to see her (co-wife) come into the house to visit my husband. Mrs. Amir (second wife) and Mrs. Kamal (first wife) were felt lonelier and criticized by their family because of infertility and the new wives were getting more privilege socially and financially because of having children. "I have no physical disability that perhaps could've prompted his decision, he just decided that he needed a second wife," she says. 2010;57(1): 121-127. Most women dreaming of settling down probably aren't imagining doing so with a man who is already married. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." My husband is as much a second husband as Im a second wife. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. That tends to bring with it even more debt and insecurities. Journal of Moral Philosophy. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Gabe and I interact regularly with our exes and their new spouses, former in-laws, and current in-laws. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. One of the disadvantages of being a second wife is that for some reason, people are far less accepting of a second wife. International Journal of Law, Policy and the Family. The difficulty is usually with the first wife. In some countries like India, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, Algeria, Lebanon, Morocco, Jordan, and Kuwait allow a woman to include a clause prohibiting polygyny in marriage contacts. Conclusion: Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. Growing up my mother was abused by my father, Thembi says as she wipes away a tear. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her. 2006; 35(1), 46-61. If the person in the second marriage who was married before didnt have children, then chances are they never have to even talk to their ex again. The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Here are 9 challenges of being a second wife to watch out for: Oh, this is your second wife. There is just something you feel from people when they realize you are the second wife; like you are the consolation prize, only second place. Al-Sharfi M, Pfeffer K, Miller KA. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Family Process. 4. Accepting polygamy does not make. It was an arranged marriage. Whats not typically expected is becoming a second wife. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and. The effects of polygamy on children and adolescents: A systematic review. Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." composed of two imperfect people. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. It doesnt mean that it wont last. A nurse brought me this far she took me into her arms and her home and decided she would be my mother. Teyana Taylor and her husband can have threesomes if it works for Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya, After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Judges can impose penalties for personal behaviours that are forbidden under Islam: sex outside marriage, gambling or drinking. Both verbal and written consent was obtained. You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. Journal of Experimental Child Psychology. Top 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling Before Divorce, 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, 6 Challenges of Second Marriages and how to overcome them, Setting Healthy Boundaries in a Relationship, 10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse, 15 Benefits of Group Therapy in Relationships. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. A man and his second wife in Pakistan tell of their daily fear of being killed by assassins at the behest of their families. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. Lower incentive to cheat in a marriage. Different coping strategies have been explored to deal with the co-wives relationship by women to share their mutual husbands. So infertility and no male child is the main factor to permit polygamy by the wives [8]. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. She stated, "'in my religion, co-wives expect to get along. She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. The average duration of polygamy was about 11 years so most of the co-wives had been accepted co-wives and engaged themselves in several activities and got comfort considering it fate role, religious permission, and compromise for the sake of their children's future rather than divorce. 5. It doesnt mean that it cant be wonderful. Holloway ID, Ansari D. Mapping numerical magnitudes onto symbols: The numerical distance effect and individual differences in childrens mathematics achievement. In Pakistan polygamous women also facing many psycho social problems because our society is far away from the original teachings of Islam about polygamy. Thamsanqa clears his throat and holds his wifes hand as he tells us that after being married for 15 years, he knew he needed a second wife. One Sunday morning Thamsanqa sat her down and asked her how shed feel if he took a second wife. Gabe and I won't have that. While a second marriage can be successful, its still a relationship composed of two imperfect people. I defended my mother and my dad just watched everything unfold. After three years of this, Eva decided to file for divorce but her husband, Evelyn says, is still trying to milk her for all her money. 2006; 52(1): 5-17. She also explained, "I never made differences among children". Its a hard stigma to run away from and can lead to many second marriage challenges. Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. A typical statistic out there now says that 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce, and 60 percent of second marriages end in divorce. Note that I said "freely" - emotionally guilt tripping women, threatening them with divorce or withholding custody of their children from them, and other such nefarious tactics to pressure women into 'accepting polygamy' are not equivalent to consent without coercion. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. After the wedding they all moved into a bigger house with cottages at the back for the children. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". There are many stereotypes associated with being a second wife. She said, "1st wife of my husband is working so 2nd wife of my husband and I used to manage the household chores. I would never accept polygamy unless my husband decides to divorce me to marry a second wife. She said, I don't think I was the one that could not have children. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. Gina Barreca, Ph.D., a board of trustees distinguished professor at UConn, is the author of 10 books, including the bestselling They Used to Call Me Snow White, But I Drifted. Three themes emerged from the study based on findings. An interview guide was prepared before conducting interviews which were consisted of the following research questions based on literature. Polygamy; Antecedents of Polygamy; Outcomes of Polygamy; Coping Strategies of Co-wives. Further, they accepted co-wives as fate roles and made compromises rather than separation in most of the wives even they had kids. By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Mrs. Tanveer was though accepted her husband's second wife but she told, when my husband got married to the second wife this sharing was indeed hurting for me. Mrs. Imam was 58 years old working lady living with her 2 children and a relationship with her co-wife. Mrs. Ahmad was a second wife and it was a love marriage. READ MORE:Customary law know your rights. It means if your husband is a citizen or green card holder, he. This was a very uncertain and painful time for me.